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The circumstances, rather God, led me to meet Atul, who, during the four years of psychodynamic therapy of depth psychology (from April 26, 2006 to April 17, 2010) accompanied me and guided me to the light, in order to find myself with my inner self, with life, with many of my fears, resentments, anxieties, fantasies and realities; and in that walk I learned to live my life differently, with acceptance, joy, gratitude and forgiveness.

 

During these fantastic – very often, difficult and emotionally strong moments – I learned to know myself better, to accept me as I am and to love myself.  I learned to look at and accept my parents and siblings as they are: human beings with successes and mistakes; I learned to look at them with love, try not to judge them but to understand them, I learned to forgive what had to be forgiven and accept what I had lived and to understand what I lived it for.  It was a learning at every moment, in every circumstance.

 

During therapy, and after finishing it, I have been able to move closer to my father with love, respect and acceptance, and no longer with anger and resentment which I had felt towards him, because during the therapy, I understood many things related to his attitude towards me, and it opened my heart.  I could also accept the alienation of my brother and accept it as it is, to forgive him for not wanting to get closer to me; I understood and I stopped feeling the pain of rejection.  Likewise with my mom, I could heal some resentments that I had kept very deep inside me.  I started talking and moving closer to my sister with whom I had a strong conflict and we had not talked for a long time.

 

In therapy, I realized why I had to maintain stormy loving relationships.  I used to harm myself by getting involved with the wrong people who hurt me and above all, I allowed them to hurt me.  Based on that understanding, I was able to get away from my best friend because his friendship was not convenient, and I got the courage to say enough and think first of my own well-being, and from then onwards, I am in peace, and now I am not looking for someone to hurt me, because now I know that I only deserve to receive love and I can give love.

 

In the process of therapy I took medications because I had prolactin issues, I did not have regular menstruation and I needed medication to menstruate, but now I do not take any medicine and I have normal and regular menstruation.

 

While having done exams on the prolactin disorder, they discovered that I had a tumor in the pituitary gland, in the Sella. During the therapy I understood the cause of the tumor’s presence at that place.  I discovered that at the age of twelve I was afraid of being a woman and I did not want to grow, I did not want to be a woman, and it provoked these disorders in my body.  For example, it prevented me to become a mother, but on this understanding, thanks to the therapy, thanks to Atul, I could heal myself and the tumor broke up. When the gynecologist saw the new tests again, he could not believe it and he said that this was one in a million case, but I knew that it was a miracle, a miracle of God who took me to this point, to know me and to heal me, because with the help of therapy, now I can communicate with my body and I know what is happening there and what are my needs.  Atul, through the therapy, with his professionalism, dedication and love taught me to internalize that I am mind – body – spirit and that I can make myself sick and I can also heal myself.

 

Through the therapy, I have learned to be tolerant, to accept people as they are, to prevent other people to try to manipulate my life.  Now I am the owner of myself, I am responsible for my actions and omissions.  I am a very cheerful person, optimistic, enterprising, confident and seeker of personal growth.

 

It is incredible to look back now on how I was five or more years ago.  I was a conflicted person, sometimes sad and depressed, dependent on others to take decisions, looking for the others approval, fearful to make certain decisions.  Right after the therapy and with everything I had lived, I noticed that I am the one who chooses the path to follow.  Previously I chose the difficult path, with sadness and despair, with suicide attempts, and with frustrations.  The path by which I now live and enjoy is full of happiness, optimism, internalizing every day, living and breathing life with the open heart, with the healthy body, with an open mind and looking for new options, with more freedom of heart to love and letting others love me too.

 

I would like to give thanks to God for the opportunity he has given to me to be here and walk the way I walked because this has been my learning, to grow as a human being, to see the life with eyes of gratitude and rejoice, and thanks to Atul for being who he is, a great therapist, who, during the four years of therapy, had so much of dedication and devotion to his work, for the patience when I got angry with him and because he was always there to listen to me and to give me a hand to help me.  Thank you.

 

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